Charlie LaRue is a cheap rate producer with a dream and that dream is a film that will bring together all the most low-down, filthy, nasty, offensive jokes in one disgusting place. Welcome to National Lampoon’s Dirty Movie, a flick that doesn’t let up in its efforts to offend your sensibilities and make you lose your lunch laughing, from the people who brought you Christmas Vacation, Animal House and Class Reunion.
Out on DVD from 16 April, courtesy of Transition Digital Media, Dirty Movie is an hilarious filth rollercoaster that doesn’t let up with the smut for second and we have two exclusive t-shirts and copies of Dirty Movie on DVD for you to win.
Tell us your favourite ‘clean’ joke (so not anything too rude or offensive, please) and we will then select two winners after the competition closes (5pm Thursday 19 April). Click here if you don’t see the comments box.
National Lampoon’s Dirty Movie is now available to pre-order from Amazon (Click here to order)
A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a pint, the barman gives him a beer and says do you know this pub is named after you? And the horse says What? It’s called Eric?! LMAO!
why could eminem not get on the bus?
because he didnt have 50 Cent
Frank wants to get his beautiful wife, Betty, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a mobile telephone. Betty is excited, she loves her phone. Frank shows her and explains to her all the different and varied features on the phone.
On Monday Betty goes shopping in the local supermarket. Her phone rings and it’s her husband, ‘Hi ya, Betty,’ he says, ‘how do you like your new phone?’ Betty replies, ‘I just love it, it’s so small and light and your voice is clear as a bell, but there’s one feature that I really don’t understand though.’
‘What’s that, Betty?’ asks the husband.
‘How did you know that I was at Tesco?’
An Englishman stops Paddy for directions… “Excuse me pal, what’s the quickest way to Dublin?”
Paddy says “Are you on foot or in the car?”
The Englishman says “In the car.”
Paddy replies “That’s the quickest!”
“My wife says I’m obsessed with football”
“Really? How long have you been married?”
” Three seasons”
“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
I was sat in the pub and Beyonce walked in,came straight over to me
and said,” Have you seen my phone? I was sat here and think I left it .” I said ,”no it’s not here,do you want me to call it and see if you can hear it?” She said ,”no ,I had it on silent.” So I said , “Well, if you liked it ,you should have put a ring on it!”
whats white and wears a long stripy scarf – Rupert the Fridge
LESLIE NEILSON IN AIRPLANE – STOP CALLING ME SHIRLEY – ITS A WONDERFUL LINE PROBABLY NOT REALLY A JOKE
I walked into a bar the other day, it really hurt!
what do you call hippo with Hiccups
A Hiccupotomas
6 out of 7 Dwarves aren’t Happy.
A farmer took an empty bucket down to the river on his land. As he got close he could hear giggling & splashing, & discovered several naked girls frolicking in the water. When they saw him they went to the deeper side of the river, & called out that he would not make them come out, & he should not spy on them. He replied he had no intention of doing anything, he swung the bucket, & said he had simply come to feed the alligator!
Whats pink and hard in the Morning? A Dead Pig
Why does a bee have sticky hair?
Because he uses a honeycomb!
How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb.
45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
A blonde decides to give back to society. She finally decides to paint an old man’s home for free. “So, what do I paint?” she asks the old man.
“The porch,” he laughs like there’s an inside joke. “Ok!” she says excitedly. The old man walks in his house and his wife looks upset at him.
“Did you tell her the porch goes all around the house?” she asks. The man shook his head.
“Hey!” the blonde calls, in half hour, “I’m done, and I even had paint left over so I put a second coat.” she explains.
The happy man waves as the blonde leaves. “And by the way,” the blonde says, “That’s not a porsche, that’s a ferrari.”
Two cannibals eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks “Does this taste funny”!
What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
Picket!
ha ha
Good luck all xxx
Q.What has a bottom at its top?
Answer. A leg
Q) What’s brown and sticky?
A) A stick
What is orange and sounds like a parrot.
A Carrot
Why did the Jelly Baby go to school?………………………
Because he wanted to be a Smartie!
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she popped her clogs!
I was at the baths today and decided to take a sneaky pee in the deep end. The life-guard must have noticed. He blew his whistle so bloody loud I nearly fell in.
Why did Tigger have his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.
A pirate walks into a bar with an enormous ship’s wheel attached to his groin. He orders a grog, and as the bartender pours it he says, “Cap’n – forgive me – but what’s with the wheel?” Pirate replies “Arrrrr – it’s drivin’ me nuts!
Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.
*da dum tsshh*
what goes haha bonk haha bonk?
a man laughing his head off!
Old Chinese Proverb
Man who confuses Laxative with Viagra
Crap in bed
What did the snooker player go into the toilet for?
To pot the brown!
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?” The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?” “$7.98.”
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150 .
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman go into a bar and the barman says “Is this some kind of a joke?”
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
Because he wanted cold hard cash!
My favourite joke is from Tim Vine
Just came back from a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.
I’ll tell you what – never again.
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?
Justice Fingers!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A Carrot!